When False Dreams Come True

June 25, 2017

Such is Life, Uncorked Angst

hardik-superDear readers, the original title of this post was ‘Confusticated and Bebothered’. But I became jittery at the last minute, even though no detractors were skinned alive in the process of pilfering it from Dictionary.com’s daily offering, who in turn have skimmed the phrase from the redoubtable J. R. R. Tolkien. At any rate, it was infinitely superior to falling back on Spark Notes for your Noble Prize acceptance speech. But then I digress.

That I am both confusticated and bebothered should come as no surprise to those familiar with my psychosomatic sanity. Over time, I have retraced my steps and tried to efface the offending footprints in the sands of time. If you have memories of certain threads, threshed over a dozen or so posts in this corner, that seem to have vanished down the gullet of some black hole, know that wicked darts of truth have punctured the general benightment of my brain from time to time.

Over time, many false dreams have melted like masks of candy floss and have become sticky. Many a false hope has mauled my dinghy in turbulent seas. But was it wrong to hope for a rescue for the pillaged, comatose motherland at the hands of a Prime Minister with a fifty-six inch bust? Was it too much to expect curbs on black-marketeers, freeloaders, arsonists, terrorists, gang rapists and murderers? Why is the fabled gladiator not only looking the other way when the brutalized martyrs are being shipped home every day but also appeasing the rabid wolves for petty political gains? How long should I repose my trust in his calculating claws? Is it time to proffer my confidence to the venomous fangs at the other end?

I had long advocated the merger of my erstwhile employer with its much larger parent bank. I believed it will release me from the subtle coteries of regionalism. I reckoned the bigger bank will lend me a higher stature by virtue of its size. Ironically, my foolish dream was to be consummated on none other than the All Fools Day of the year 2017. Ever since then, I have a feeling of being reduced to a frog to whom no damsel can kiss back to humanity. The dominant entity’s lack of respect is palpable. The apartheid is both administrative and financial. Should I quit and join a smaller outfit somewhere? Should I return to the farms my parents have painstakingly preserved for me for such an eventuality?

Since I have many times wailed and flailed about my failings with blogging and photography, and how baffled I get with the surfeit or utter absence of the two in my life, I would prefer to rake the small matter of the game of cricket rather than bore you again. That it used to be a gentleman’s game till God made the Australians should be no mystery to anyone. Then God did something unmentionable: he made Pakistanis. And as if these horrors weren’t enough, he blessed the Indian team with a captain called Kohli whose Achilles’ heel has a tendency of coming apart in the final tugs of the battle. Combine this last horror with an ‘Alpha Male’ coach called Kumble who tried to dominate the Men in Blue and we have the shame of the century: India surrendering tamely to the Bashi-bazouks in the Champion’s Trophy final at Oval in London. Am I Collied or Crumbled? Or am I just Jaded-edged and run out of options like the foot-soldier turned tragic hero, Pandya?

Moral of the stories: there are fewer catastrophes in life more potent than when your false dreams come true.

About umashankar

I am just a watcher then. Sometimes I watch life. Sometimes I watch death. Many times I watch in between...

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31 Comments on “When False Dreams Come True”

  1. Bruce Goodman Says:

    As they say on some TV talent shows: Do you realise how good you are?

    You write with fustication and botherability. It may be better to stay a frog than to be kissed by someone akin to one of King Lear’s ugly daughters. That wouldn’t be cricket.

    As I’ve got older I’ve realised that so many things I yearned for as a youth would’ve been disastrous if they’d come to fruition. Fame, fortune, even a sedentary life… But I have been blessed with the time to reflect upon blogs such as yours!


    • umashankar Says:

      Blogging’s but a passing shadow, a poor player,
      That struts and frets his hour upon the Internet,
      And then is heard no more.

      (With apologies to William Shakespeare)

      Thank you, Bruce, for being my favourite judge season after season. Without you, I wouldn’t be allowed past the wicket door of the reality show.


  2. Durga Prasad Dash Says:

    Some dreams come true and leave you devastated in their aftermath. That is the irony of life.

    Conversely, we hardly pause to count the saving grace of dreams unfulfilled.

    Maybe, the best way to resolve this is to adopt the attitude of our ancient seers who declared that the whole life is a dream. In that case the fulfillment/un-fulfilment of a dream may lead to just another dream, ad-infinitum. 😀 😀 😀


    • umashankar Says:

      I am stunned by the impact of that first statement: “Some dreams come true and leave you devastated in their aftermath.” It is much more than all the sound and fury I have managed to muster above. Thank you, for being here.


  3. Shubha Athavale Says:

    Uma Shankar
    I’m been distanced from the land of my birth for many years now and I was last there for 2 weeks in 2015 so I’m largely unaware of the details of a lot of happenings.
    I believe the current PM is the best so far but you seem disappointed and disillusioned and you would know as you’re there.
    As for cricket, I know very little other than the fact that it was never a religion when I was growing up.
    I sincerely hope you find a role that is worthy of you, where you’re happy, appreciated and rewarded.
    All I know is that you have immense talent and I (and many others like me) enjoy reading your blog…..


    • umashankar Says:

      I feel blessed for your continued attention, Shubha. If the current Indian PM is the best so far, he is surely holding back his potential even as the country keeps bleeding. And he is in no way different from his predecessors in appeasing the larger vote banks unfortunately consisting of freeloaders. And his army is only two and a half soldiers deep. And a handful of taxpayers like us are working their way to death to feed humongous swarms of parasites.

      A million thanks for the encouragement.


  4. derrickjknight Says:

    It is no illusion that you are a linguistic necromancer, my friend. You do not deserve to have your dreams so shattered – except, of course, for the cricket 🙂


  5. willowwrites Says:

    You sure look good in that Superman suit Uma. It suits you (no pun intended 🙂 maybe a little bit).

    I say, run to the farm and deal with the crickets. Forget the politicians with their big talk and little action…forget the bankers with their despicable practices. Run to the farm but never, never, never, stop writing, instead, write more. Make your pen (or keyboard) as mighty as the plow (or tractor). Cultivate a new reality were false dreams can come true and be an enjoyable read.


    • umashankar Says:

      Ouch! That face belongs to my new cricketing hero, Hardik Pandya! And the bust has been yanked off Mr Superman by Photoshop. 😛 Though I did look like him a good two decades ago.
      You are right about both politicians and bankers. I need to focus on saner things in life. Bless you for perking up my day.


  6. namitasunder Says:

    Every merger brought difficult times for the employees of the merged entity. Though this one is kind of family matters and people thought would be a bit easier, we know what one has to face and bear till things settle down and that takes long. I other fronts too it’s a testing times for us rather the disappointments are suffocating. I can very well understand your mood be it bank scenario, politics or our social fabric, things are gloomy. But then let us try to focus on what is bright, positive and beautiful around us. We have to go on and for that the strength is needed. Go on churning the wonderful posts and add on the few bright spots around us. Take care.


    • umashankar Says:

      Associate Banks were always the poor cousins. Unfortunately, the condescension might continue for lifetime to small cogs like us. Given the inherent strength of these erstwhile banks some of which had grown to become imminently viable mid-sized entities, the human resource management could have been much better. I am focusing on every possible ray of light in the tunnel. Thanks for your kind words.


  7. Good Golly Miss Molly Says:

    When old words die out on the tongue, new melodies break forth from the heart; and where the old tracks are lost, new country is revealed with its wonders. — Rabindranath Tagore…

    You’ll find your new way…I know you will.
    Molly in San Diego


  8. Purba Ray Says:

    Phew, Uma. Your language makes me ache for a dictionary.

    Existential crisis is the recurring truth of life, the only constant, the dull ache, the listless feeling that makes us want more out of life,


    • umashankar Says:

      Sometimes, I can’t think of better words. Sometimes, they’re just not there.
      Crises arise when life chooses to go on.
      Or else, they’re just not there.
      I am plodding along, Purba. Thanks for the poetic reminder.


  9. pranju Says:

    I don’t know much about the impact the mergers would make on the health of the economy and self sustenance of the banks, but is it not already in a bad shape? Should not there be a change, given that nationalisation of banks have already suffered too much of a middle age crisis ?

    And wow! Saying Your choice of words are beautiful, would be an understatement to your writing. Give me more of such daily bloggers( you should start frequent blogs) and I would be a recipient of wisdom and broader perspectives.


    • umashankar Says:

      Banks are in trouble because of the failed or absent systems of recovery and resolution. A quasi-paralysed judicial machinery is further exacerbating the rot. Government controlled banks are much more vulnerable as they actively finance infrastructure and core sector projects unlike the fancy private banks. Again, they are constantly used as vehicles of implementation for socio-developmental missions. Mergers will lead to rationalisation of resources and reduction in unhealthy competition among PSU banks. However, if done at the cost of employees, it will result in hollow entities. As it is, Justice is a rare species in our faltering nation.
      Thank you for reading and putting in your precious thoughts, and encouraging my withering pen.


  10. dNambiar Says:

    You vent beautifully too, USP. 🙂


  11. susielindau Says:

    We all fall victim, Uma, but you have to keep on dreaming! Next year, perhaps?
    Thanks for bringing this to the party! Have fun meeting everyone.


  12. ladyfi Says:

    So sorry your dream didn’t turn out as you had hoped.


  13. themoonstone Says:

    One has to be careful about what they dream for, isn’t it.. Lest they or the false one comes true. But then as humans we are incorrigible.. We thrive on dreams, however hopeless they might be. Dream of fairness in an unfair world.
    Great post as usual !


  14. jaishvats Says:

    Considering the kind of language you have used in your post, I was a little hesitant to comment ….mine would be no match … 🙂
    If things we dream about always become true it would stop us from having bigger dreams…. visiting your blog after a long time …i am glad I did 🙂


    • umashankar Says:

      I am so happy to see you here, Jaishvats. Welcome back to this corner of the planet!
      The land of dreams is a parallel universe. It is illusive, utopian, dystopian, ecstatic and tragic, all at the same time. Having said that, life without dreams is like a sky without clouds. Thank you for those words.


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